Jade Lizzie

Sharing the yoga love

Month: February 2016

What does it mean to love yourself?

Love yourself I’ve struggled with the concept of self-love in the past. It seemed to me to be self-indulgent and even narcissistic. And, I thought, surely if you just decide to love yourself,  you’ll lose any motivation to develop or grow?

But lately, I’ve had some great conversations with people who have helped me to see the advice “love yourself” completely differently. I also signed up for a one month trial of EkhartYoga online classes (the best one euro I’ve spent this month – if you haven’t tried it, sign up now. It’s brilliant. Seriously.) and watched some thought-provoking talks about loving yourself.

What I’ve realised is that my discomfort around loving myself came from my misconceptions about what it meant.  My new understanding is that self-love means shifting your attitude towards yourself, dropping the negative self-talk and embracing all aspects of yourself – the light and the dark.

Here’s what self-love isn’t:

  1. It’s not self indulgence.

I associated loving myself with spending hours having luxurious baths, painting my toenails, and buying expensive face creams. Which was fine, but seemed kind of superficial. No matter how nice these things are, I was unconvinced that they could be the key to lasting happiness. But I’ve come to think of these activities as self-care, rather than self-love. Self-care is an important aspect of loving yourself, but it’s not the whole story. Self-love requires a more profound mindset shift.

  1. It’s not narcissism.

I thought loving yourself implied believing that you’re awesome – and far more awesome than anyone else. But that’s not the case. Loving yourself and embracing all that you are does not mean thinking that you are better than anyone else. If anything it’s the opposite. It means seeing all of your “flaws”, and annoying behaviours  and choosing to love yourself anyway. When you develop that compassion for yourself, you expand your capacity to be compassionate towards others. Practising self-love trains you in how to see every aspect of another person, the good and the bad, and loving them anyway.

  1. It’s not complacency.

This was the scariest aspect of self-love for me. I worried that if I loved myself as I was, I would lose all motivation to develop and grow. Because there’s still so much I want to work on, and learn and progress with. I didn’t want to lose my drive. But actually, self-love and acceptance doesn’t have to mean thinking that you have nowhere else to go in the future. It means recognising and deeply accepting where you are right now. And that place of deep acceptance and love for yourself is the perfect foundation from which to evolve. The criticism that we inflict upon ourselves is more likely to promote self-punishment and destructive behaviour than growth.

The hardest thing about self-love?

When you realise that self-love is not about indulgence, narcissism or complacency, it becomes a much less scary prospect. And the hardest thing then is that like any shift in mindset, it requires effort to retrain your brain. Until it becomes habitual, you need to consciously choose more loving thoughts towards yourself.

But how do you actually do this?

I like being practical about things, and having tangible strategies to try out. So I’m sharing Esther Ekhart’s advice, which I’ve personally found really useful. She says that when you do something “wrong” and you’re feeling frustrated, annoyed or upset with yourself, stop. Recognise that if you had known or had the ability in that moment to do it better, you would have done. See yourself from the outside, acknowledge and accept all the good and the bad, and meet it with compassion. Repeat the phrase,“I see you, and I love you,” to yourself.

It’s likely to feel strange, and maybe uncomfortable at first, but give it it a go. Even if it’s just for this week, see what difference it makes to love yourself.

Let me know how you get on!

Lots of love, Jade xxx

Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it – Thaddeus Golas

Yoga To Make You Feel Amazing

Yoga To Make You Feel AmazingI use yoga as my therapy for pretty much everything. However you’re feeling, the majority of the time, yoga can make you feel a bit (or a lot) better. It’s just a case of finding the right yoga prescription. Here are my suggestions…

Feeling sad? First of all, don’t fight it. Spend a few minutes sitting in meditation, or if that feels unbearable, practise alternate nostril breathing instead. This is a very soothing, nurturing pranayama practice which can help you to calm your mind. Then allow yourself 10 minutes to move in any way that feels good. The key is to keep moving, letting your body feel some positive sensations again. It’s good to reconnect with the fact that even when you feel sad, you can still find enjoyment and pleasure in physical movement.

Feeling angry? The old advice about taking deep breaths can really help, but sitting still is hard when you’re raging. Give yourself 10 minutes to warm your body with Sun Salutations, then practise some forward bends, such as Standing Forward Bend, Wide-Legged Forward Bend, Bound Angle Pose and Head-To-Knee Forward Bend. Breathe deeply into whatever sensations you feel and focus on your body, dropping into feeling rather than thinking. Forward bends have a naturally calming effect on your nervous system. At the end of these, you may well feel collected enough to sit and meditate for a few minutes.

Feeling physically tired? Restorative yoga is your friend. Let your body relax and recover by choosing the most restful postures you can find. My personal favourite is Supported Child’s Pose over a bolster or cushions, turning your head left for 3 minutes, then right for three minutes. Then take Happy Baby to release your lower back, and a nice long Savasana.

Feeling mentally drained? When your brain is worn out, it can help to balance that with some movement for your body. I love Vinyasa Flow yoga when my mind is tired. Because coming up with sequences and moves is hard when you’re weary, this is a great time to use some online yoga inspiration. I like this mini class from Rachel Scott when I’ve had a long day at the computer.

Feeling low in energy? When you need an energy boost to face your day, and you don’t want to resort to coffee and chocolate, backbends are your best bet. Don’t go into these cold – warm your body with some gentle movement, then a good 3-5 rounds of Sun Salutations before you start getting bendy. You can try Cobra, Bow and Bridge Poses. To add a little extra challenge, give Camel Pose or Wheel Pose a try. Hold each backbend for at least 5 breaths and resist the urge to bend forwards to release your spine until you’ve finished all the backbends. At the end, let yourself rest for a minute or two in Savasana and notice the energetic effect on your body of all those lovely backbends.

Let me know how you get on with these. What kind of yoga do you use to make you feel amazing? 

Have a great week!

Jade xxx

P.S. If you’re struggling to do anything at all, check out my blog from last week about how to motivate yourself to do yoga.

How to Motivate Yourself to do Yoga

Camel PoseI love going to yoga classes, but my practice transformed when I started doing yoga everyday on my own. I began to explore the postures for myself and to rebuild my relationship with my body and mind. However, practising yoga by yourself brings its own challenges, the main one for me being motivation. So how do you motivate yourself to do yoga on the days when your bed is more appealing than your mat, and you don’t have a teacher telling you what to do?

Here are my three best pieces of advice:

  1. Remember that getting there is the hardest bit. A friend of mine passed on these words of wisdom years ago and they’ve stuck with me ever since. With any situation that you know will require some effort (even something you enjoy, like yoga!), the hardest bit is getting there. Once you’re there, you’ve already overcome the biggest challenge. I used to remind myself of this on the cold, dark mornings as an English teacher when I REALLY didn’t want to leave home. It works even better to get me onto the yoga mat.
  2. Set the intention that you’ll get on your yoga mat and just move for 10 minutes in any way that feels good. That way you take the pressure off your yoga practice and free it to be whatever you need right then. Often I tell myself I’ll only do 10 minutes, and after that time, my body and mind feel so good that I carry on and do lots more. But even if that’s all I do, I think of it as a gift to myself that I wouldn’t have otherwise had in my day.
  3. Create a bank of motivation prompts for the days when you really need to be told what to do. I have a few great free online yoga resources that I use when I really don’t want to practise “alone”, such as the wonderful DoYogaWithMe website – the classes with Fiji McAlpine are my favourite. I also love this mini Forrest Yoga inspired core workout, and my lovely yogini friend Amanda posts some great sequences on her Youtube channel that always make me feel good. It’s good to go solo and practice totally by yourself, but these online yoga classes are perfect for the days when you need a bit more inspiration.

Whatever you end up doing, try to keep your yoga practice free from judgement. We already spend too much of our lives critiquing ourselves, and seeing how we measure up. Challenge yourself to let that go while you practise yoga by yourself. After all, there’s no one there to impress, or even to care what you are doing – this is just about you.

Happy yoga-ing lovely people – let me know how you get on!

Jade xxx

When Not To Follow Your Heart

Follow Your HeartAfter making one too many bad decisions that I justified by saying I was “following my heart”, I’ve come to the conclusion that sometimes you shouldn’t follow your heart. I suspect that’s going to be a controversial statement, and I’m open to the debate, but here are my thoughts on it…

 

What does “following your heart” actually mean?

Let’s be clear about this. Your heart does not make decisions. Your heart is a muscle that pumps blood around your body. It’s incredibly important. Vital in fact. But it is not a decision-making tool.

So why do we talk about following your heart?

Our heart is the area that we associate with emotions, particularly love. It is what we connect with a feeling state, as opposed to a thinking state. We can also use the term “heart” to mean “the innermost or central part of something.” So when we talk about following our heart, what we perhaps mean is that we are making choices that come from a place of deep emotional longing.

What’s so wrong with this?

Nothing. There are definitely times when you feel something so powerfully that you know it is the right thing to do. Those are the decisions you make that you throw yourself into, whole-heartedly and they can be pivotal moments in your life. I’ve definitely made those kind of decisions. Deciding to turn down a promotion to travel and teach yoga instead was definitely one of them. There were plenty of logical, financial and sensible reasons why I shouldn’t have done that, but actually that way of life was not making me happy. So taking the risk and “following my heart” was a good call.

However, I have also been in situations where I know rationally I am making a really poor decision, but I’ve justified it by saying, “I know it doesn’t make sense, but I’m following my heart.”

I read an great article recently by Steph at Blissbombed, who wrote that,

When you’ve been in a dark place, the heart and intuition can be a bit off-kilter. It wouldn’t be uncommon to think, “I should leave this situation, but my heart is leading me to stay out of compassion for [insert bad situation].” If you’ve been ignoring or betraying your intuition for a while, it loses its voice and becomes warped.

This resonated a lot with me. Sometimes the feeling of wanting to do what you know is wrong can be really strong. This is especially true if it’s driven by fear – especially fear of being alone or fear of failing. People who stay in damaging relationships, or abandon projects that scare or challenge them may justify it by saying they’re following their heart. 

When shouldn’t you follow your heart then?

If you find yourself with a heartfelt longing to do something, check in with your head. This doesn’t have to be a case of “head” versus “heart”. If you’re making a wise choice, often you can find a way which is perfectly in tune with both. In the example of me leaving my job, yes, there were financial reasons to stay, but I also knew the alternative could be financially viable. What’s more, my “head” knew as well as my “heart” that my current situation was not fulfilling me.

So there are a few questions you can try asking yourself. Steph at Blissbombed suggests this one:

What is the most self-respecting thing I can do now?

I’d also recommend considering:

Is this longing driven by fear? And if so, how could I face this fear rather than letting it steer the course of my life?

and

What is the most healing action I can take now?

When you follow these kinds of questions, you’re being far more honest with yourself than using an evasive “I know it’s bad, but I’m following my heart.” Sometimes, your heart can be seriously confused. Tune into your intelligence, your knowledge and your wisdom, and you’ll find the rest follows.

I’d love to know what you think to this – what are your experiences of following your heart?

With (genuine!) heartfelt love,

Jade xxx

 

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